puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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