I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
