am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
