i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize