so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
