there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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