it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
