I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
