I think i peed on brittanys purse
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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