I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
