im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
