normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
