i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
