He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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