Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
