I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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