If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
