even my farts smell like vagina
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
