Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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