i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
