he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
