btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I will be naked everywhere
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
