so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
