people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
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