walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
