I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
