I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize