well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If that was your dad, he is hot
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
