I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Randomize
