I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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