Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
