Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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