i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
They have beer where we have blood.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
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