Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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