Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize