the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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