my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
