but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
