i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
