It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She told me I should be a condom model.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
