five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
