Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
