so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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