No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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