I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
