ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize