she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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