dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
