my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
