Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
