Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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