I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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