Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
