I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
