Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
