my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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