I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
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