In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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