how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
