dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
