I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
