i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
