..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
