dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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